Sex After Divorce

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<p><em>A story from Francesca, Ancona</em></p>\r\n\r\n<p>I <strong>separated</strong> 6 years ago, <strong>after 15 years of marriage</strong>. My heart was wounded, my self-esteem shattered. While I don’t consider myself a model by any means, I certainly didn’t feel the <strong>sex appeal</strong> I admire in some friends who, despite being forty, look amazing!</p>\r\n\r\n<p>A few weeks ago, I started <strong>seeing someone</strong>. At first, I felt a bit like those ladies at the butcher shop—I thought maybe he was just a smooth talker, and I was just another conquest. But as I got to know him, I realized that wasn't the case.</p>\r\n\r\n<p>I began to <strong>reclaim my body</strong>. I started choosing my outfits carefully, even for casual days, just because it made me feel good to feel beautiful! I even got a professional manicure with red, of course. If we’re going to be bold, let’s do it right! I started wearing heels again, even though my feet were screaming in pain. I felt genuinely fabulous! Was this all it took to feel this way? A few butterflies in my stomach were contributing to this cocoon-to-butterfly transformation!</p>\r\n\r\n<p>I felt good, and decided it was time to go for it, regardless of how the 'relationship' or 'fling' might turn out. With him, I want to hold onto this feeling of positive rebirth and rediscovered self-confidence. I want to take the leap, let myself go, do things I’ve never done before, and be spontaneous. <strong>I want to try being a woman, beyond just being a mom; an lover, beyond just a parent.</strong></p>\r\n\r\n<p>We went out, and he picked me up at home. I was very nervous because I already knew where the evening was heading: the bedroom! The kids were with their dad, and the night’s outcome was practically foreshadowed by a series of heated messages filled with affection and thinly veiled eroticism. This made me a little anxious, but the new me had decided to not overthink it and just enjoy every minute of the evening. After <strong>dinner</strong>, we returned to my place. He started kissing me the moment the door closed. His hands seemed to create an electric field on my body; goosebumps covered me. We fell onto the sofa, and I thought I'd never look at that sofa the same way again. He started touching me, and I felt intensely awkward. It was never that intense with my husband; I was scared yet curious, breathless yet yielding. <strong>I was trying to be sexy but felt a little clumsy.</strong> What a strange sensation. <strong>Was this really me, in sexy lingerie, rolling around with a man on the same sofa where I watched TV with the kids just last night?</strong></p>\r\n\r\n<p>I felt the heat rise from my neck to my temples, my lips felt swollen, my heart pounded wildly. The moment he entered me, I thought, ‘This is it, I’m not a virgin anymore.’ That was the feeling. It was like losing a second virginity. The man I had sworn eternal love to, the man I thought would be the last I’d ever make love to, was no longer in my heart or my body. I felt like I had truly turned a page. I wanted to cry, but I held back the tears to avoid seeming crazy. That night marked the beginning of a new life; everything that had been declared over, forgotten, and past was officially in the past. I felt embarrassed afterward; I certainly wasn’t used to being naked in front of a man, so I awkwardly grabbed sofa cushions, covered myself, and went to my room to get dressed.</p>\r\n\r\n<p><strong>I looked at myself in the mirror</strong>. I tried to see if anything on my face had changed. My expression was relaxed, my cheeks slightly flushed, my hair messy. I thought: life goes on! I gave myself a mental pat on the back and went back out. I’ve started writing a new chapter in my life, discovering a version of myself I never knew existed. Today, I’m curious to see what else I’ll uncover along the way.</p>\r\n\r\n<p>&nbsp;</p>',heading: