Separations: Stories from Those Who Have Separated
This article shares a personal story of separation, detailing the emotional struggles, difficult decisions, and eventual path to rebuilding a life as a single parent.
My Separation Story
I imagine that everyone experiences their own story and their own suffering in their own way. Unfortunately, I still can't get out of it because it happened not long ago. I'm from Rome. Four years ago, I met my partner during a vacation in Sardinia. He's from Turin. We fell in love, and after a year and a half of a long-distance relationship where we lived it very intensely, trying to see each other as much as possible, we decided to move in together. The easiest solution was for me to move to Turin since I could easily request a transfer with my job. Reluctantly, after 31 years living in the same city, I left behind parents, friends, colleagues, and my current job I was the secretary to an executive to keep my job but with much less fulfilling duties. The love for my partner and the desire to build a family made me take this big step, and I was finally happy to have found someone with whom I hoped to share everything: joys, sorrows, sadness, and happiness. The only thing I asked of him was to be there for me because adapting to the change certainly wouldn't be easy at times. He made many promises that I believed and trusted. My enthusiasm and willpower helped me so much that after a while, I had already learned to live in the new city and, although difficult, even establish new relationships. I always lived thinking that I was happy and had what I desired. After some time, we started thinking about having a baby. We didn't conceive immediately. I started having check-ups, tests, and finally discovered that the problem stemmed from a resolvable issue with my partner. The fact is, after a year, I finally managed to get pregnant. 1000% happiness! But it's precisely at this moment that problems begin to arise. As the months passed, I needed help because, partly due to tiredness and partly due to fatigue, I could no longer do everything on my own. To my great distress, unfortunately, I had no help. Instead, I was always forced to do everything alone. The most painful event I remember: around the 5th month, I had a dental problem. I went to the dentist and the emergency room alone. Precisely because I was pregnant and couldn't take medication, they told me to take paracetamol, but I was feeling worse and worse. One night, I asked my partner to take me to the emergency room because I couldn't stand the pain anymore, and he replied, "Lie down and try to sleep; I have to wake up at 6 AM tomorrow to go to work!" In the end, I begged him, and he took me to the ER, but he was so annoyed that the next day, he still left me alone to go work outside Turin. This is just one example, but dozens of situations like this have occurred. I always came last: his mother, his friends, and everyone else were always the priority. In my relationship with his mother, I never felt protected; in fact, he always thought I was wrong. There were changes at work, and I was informed that I had to return to work in Rome. I informed my partner, who didn't take it well, but at this point, it was necessary for him to make a decision whether to follow me. We postponed the decision until after the birth of our son. I worked until the eighth month to preserve more months after childbirth. In the meantime, any help I asked for triggered heavy arguments. Me, pregnant, I had to defend myself from his yelling and meanness. I would have liked to give birth in my city, but he didn't want to, so I gave birth in Turin, having my family travel from Rome to Turin in the days leading up to the birth. All this without a single complaint or problem from me or my parents. Finally, my little love was born. We revisited the work topic, but he hadn't thought about my proposal at all. He was absolutely not intending to move. We continued to argue every evening with the baby just a few days old. I couldn't stand this malaise anymore, and above all, I had to think about my baby, who didn't deserve a mistreated mother who risked losing her milk due to quarrels and nervousness. One evening, after yet another argument, he told me to leave the house, threatening that he would ruin me with a lawyer and take the child away. I couldn't tolerate such treatment anymore. So, I informed him that I would leave the next day. I called my father, and he came to pick me up. The next morning, he went to work without even facing my father, and while I was on the train to Rome, I sent him an SMS. Then he got furious. He thought I would never have the courage to leave him. But do you know the ugliest part? That he let me go, and that same evening, he went dancing with his friends. If my partner and my son had left, I would have rushed to them to get back what is most important in my life. But for him, it wasn't like that. In the following months, he continued to lie and promise things he didn't keep. He only asked me to make gestures for him. My father had found him a job in his field if he had joined us in Rome, but he invented a thousand excuses just to avoid it. After the summer, our relationship ended. Now we just need to figure out how to organize and sort things out with our child because there's nothing left to do for our relationship. I'm still hurting because I invested my whole self in this story, and I thought we would be a united family. I realize I gave truly a lot, and this person, when he had to do something to save our family, backed down. Vanessa Cherubini
Understanding Separation and Its Aftermath
Navigating a separation is incredibly challenging, especially when children are involved. It's a time of immense emotional and practical upheaval. This article shares a personal account of separation, highlighting the journey through relationship breakdown, the impact on the individual, and the eventual path towards healing and rebuilding. It emphasizes the importance of self-care, seeking support, and prioritizing the well-being of children during and after separation. The shared experiences aim to provide comfort, understanding, and practical insights for others going through similar situations.