Separation: Is It the Failure of a Life Project?

Separation isn't the end of a life project, but an opportunity to rediscover yourself, focus on your needs, passions, and friendships, and build a fulfilling future.

Rediscovering Yourself After Separation

<img class="align-center" src="https://www.gengle.it/posts/entries/images/dopolaseparazione.jpeg" alt="" width="900" height="603" /> So many things you hear after a separation. Every day, someone is ready to offer you miraculous solutions. Some suggest Eastern journeys, like Indiana Jones discovering a mystical temple; others propose European city tours to study architecture; still others want you to dive headfirst into social events, like a scene from Saturday Night Fever. And then there are those who, after a few months of unconditional availability, start suggesting outings with "the friend of a friend," convinced that a new relationship is exactly what you need. "Look, this guy is great. He's separated but has no <a class="wpilkeywordlink" href="https://meeters.org/en/category/children" target="blank" rel="noopener nofollow" title="children">children</a>. He’s perfect for jumping back into the dating scene." "And why exactly would he be perfect?" "For starters, he's separated too." "Is that all?" "It's not just that. You need to get out of your shell and look around." It’s astounding how the people close to us think we’re unhappy, moody, or hysterical simply because we don’t have a new partner. A brave knight to cuddle us, help with chores, do our laundry, wash our dishes, and be a partner in household tasks. Yes, because that’s what partners are supposed to do. You should help each other. For starters, I’ve yet to see a husband who does the same household chores as his wife. Usually, they come home, stretch out on the sofa, play with the kids, and then goodnight everyone. Because they’re tired. They work. We, apparently, don’t. So, the solution is a new annoyance in the house. Who, at best, might even be nice and helpful. At first. Let’s try to be forward-thinking and imagine the future. Nothing will change. I truly don't understand. Separation, in itself, is an experience that leaves a deep mark. We’re not sad because we miss a partner; we’re sad because our life project has failed. It crumbled before our eyes, like a sandcastle reaching the sea and, poof, disappearing. This isn’t to say that after some time to process the disappointment, you won’t desire a new partner. That’s more than legitimate. But beware of rebound relationships. If we haven’t processed our past, we’ll end up treating potential boyfriends with condescension and arrogance, unloading all our frustration onto them. And that wouldn’t be fair. If, instead, we’re looking for a replacement, we’ll start collecting the wrong <a class="wpilkeywordlink" href="https://www.gengle.it/2022/06/03/padri-separati-effetti-separazione-uomini/" target="blank" rel="noopener" title="men" data-wpil-keyword-link="linked" data-wpil-monitor-id="28">men</a>, inevitably driving our self-esteem into the ground. Do you have any idea how difficult it can be to find a quality person? We made a mistake once; we wouldn’t want to repeat the same error. Especially now that we’re no longer alone; we have our children. Our choices are inevitably influenced by them. What do we need after a separation? A new love? A new marriage? I really don’t think so. The thought alone sends a chill down my spine. We need friends, a few trusted ones. We need to build networks, organize <a class="wpilkeywordlink" href="https://meeters.org/en/category/dinners" target="blank" rel="noopener nofollow" title="dinners">dinners</a>, pizza nights, weekend getaways together. We need to breathe fresh air, feel ourselves gradually becoming free, see reflections of a new, more aware, more mature us on the water. We need to understand who we are and where we want to go. We need to become selective because that's how it should be. The days of charity are over. Just like the empty moments, the "waste of time" ones, are over. We need a passion. Something to fill our lives when our kids are with their dads, something that makes our souls vibrate just at the thought of it. Our life hasn’t ended; it’s just taken an unexpected turn. Now that we’re back on the right track, we must allow ourselves to breathe deeply. Passions are the balm of life. Was there something we wanted to do when we were young? We still have time. A dream, a project set aside for the family. Now we can try. Try. Let’s repeat that word. It’s not the final destination that matters, but the journey we undertake to get where we want to go that makes the difference. Always keep moving forward. Do something solely for ourselves. Something that fills our hearts, that makes us feel alive again. I find this much more exciting than a date with any dashing knight unless it’s Ryan Gosling, in which case, I wouldn’t hesitate for a second. If we can also fit in a date with that attractive person from the last party, all the better. But without expectations. Without anxiety. Whoever enters our lives should add value. And we must always keep a little corner for ourselves. I know it’s not easy with the financial problems that come after a separation. And indeed, we need a decent job. One that allows us to be independent, just enough to manage our chaotic lives. I dream of a world where women have the same salaries as men and equal opportunities in the workplace. And it’s also up to us. For a manager to hire a female employee instead of a man. For women to support each other as men do. For our skills and consistency to be recognized, something all too often only acknowledged in the stronger sex I have to laugh. Today I dream a lot, perhaps too much. But if we want to change the world, we need to change ourselves a little. Here’s what we need: work, passion, friends. There’s time for love. It will come if it’s meant to, or perhaps in the next life. Isn’t it wonderfully fantastic to get excited when, instead of giving love to others, we give it to ourselves, investing in ourselves? It’s sexier than any muscular, tanned man. And it makes us free. <img class="align-center" src="https://www.gengle.it/posts/entries/images/riniziaredopolaseparazione.jpg" alt="" width="900" height="600" />